Finding Balance Beyond the Barn

During my junior years as a rider, I was always a student and a hard worker. I wanted to learn everything. I braided, I body clipped, I groomed at horse shows. I sat at the ring for hours studying riders in every class. I was a sponge. When you find your passion in life, it’s easy to pour yourself into it — and the reward is incredible. I loved horses, and I was completely devoted to learning and growing as a rider.

After high school, I took a gap year to work as an assistant trainer. I always knew I’d go back to college, but I wanted that experience first. My parents agreed… with some persuading. I loved that year, and when I returned to school, I kept riding full-time while taking full-time classes at Cal State Fullerton. On top of that, I picked up a full-time job with Enterprise Rent-A-Car. I worked hard. Looking back, I honestly don’t know how I did it.

At Enterprise, I met my future husband, and we eventually moved to Toronto. I kept riding, showing, and finding fixer-upper horses, but unfortunately, my work ethic and drive weren’t matched. I wanted more. We divorced, and I moved back to California.

Back home, I returned to Enterprise and worked my way up the corporate ladder, eventually becoming an area manager in the Tri-Valley. I learned so much about business management and thrived in the competitive environment.

But after a few years, I felt that familiar pull back to horses — my true passion. I had an opportunity to start a tiny business at Shiloh West about 27 years ago. The owner was incredibly kind and let me begin with just one horse. I swept, cleaned, and rode every day. Slowly, my business grew. I had very little money, but when you love what you do, it doesn’t matter. As things expanded, I had to adapt: hire people, work with clients, build professional relationships with trainers, and juggle all the roles — turning out, grooming, riding, everything.

Eventually, like many experienced trainers, I hit a breaking point. I was working nonstop, keeping the barn immaculate, the horses healthy, the clients happy. My entire life was the barn, the horses, and the horse shows.

On my 50th birthday, my brother threw me a surprise circus-themed party. He even hired a medium to speak with guests. People were coming out of the room crying — clearly she was hitting nerves. My sister and I went in giggling, expecting nothing serious. But when she looked at me, she said three women were watching over me. I don’t have many people who have passed, but the ones I do are very special. She told me they kept showing her an image of a hamster on a wheel. That hit hard — because it was true. I had no life outside the barn.

When I asked her about love, she told me I needed to love myself first. She said I put so much love out into the world and work so hard to make everyone else happy, but I needed to take time for myself — to find what brings me joy. It was shocking, and it made an impact.

My 50th birthday was right before Covid hit. I saw Covid as a strange blessing — a forced slowdown. But horses still needed to be ridden, and work still needed to be done.

Then one day, a client mentioned her horse was nervous at the mounting block. I thought, “No problem, he loves me.” I stepped onto the mounting block, put my foot in the stirrup, started to swing over and he bolted. My foot was already in the stirrup, and my knee snapped as I hit the pavement. My first thought — unbelievably — was, “How am I going to get all this work done?” Adrenaline masked the pain. I had completely torn my ACL, torn my meniscus, and fractured my tibial plateau. My doctor said it looked like a football injury.

Covid hadn’t slowed me down, so the universe stepped in. With elective surgeries paused, I was stuck at home for six weeks. Thankfully, I had good staff by then. I finally had no choice but to stop.

For years, I’ve made a yearly vision board to set goals. They used to be all about horses, business, and love. But after that injury, I shifted. I needed balance. Happy trainers, in my experience, have found that balance. My other passion is travel, so I added that to my goals — along with monthly family dinners, pushing myself to go on dates, and making more time for friendships outside the horse world. I read more. I slow down. I appreciate the beauty around me — easy to do on the incredible property where I live.

My advice to young trainers: don’t forget about yourself. It’s so easy to get stuck on that hamster wheel. Set aside time for you. Burnout is real in this business — we’re expected to work seven days a week, 24 hours a day. It’s not sustainable. My vision board keeps me grounded. I look at it every day and remind myself to get up, get out, and get living.

And speaking of living — today I’m heading to Portugal for an adventure tour. I’m going alone. This is hard for me as an introvert, and yes, I’m nervous, but I know it’s going to be amazing. My mom is from Portugal. I’ll be biking, hiking, canoeing, and even taking a surf lesson. I know I’ll have an incredible time. I’ll share photos when I can, but this trip is really about disconnecting, finding peace, and coming home excited to keep doing what I love: coaching, kissing my horses, and being endlessly grateful for where I live.

I hope everyone has the best week.