Gossip and Negative Talk

Over the years, I’ve learned a lot. As a trainer, I’ve always been more of a watcher than a talker. Who are you?

When I was an assistant trainer for Mickey Hayden, I remember how easily he walked away from gossip. I admired that so much. I’d be standing with people chatting about the latest drama in the horse world, and I’d glance over at Mickey—he’d have that glazed look on his face, completely uninterested, and then he’d simply walk away. I loved that reaction.

This industry can be backstabbing. I stepped away from it for a short time years ago, but my passion for the horses and the business pulled me back. When I returned, I knew I wanted to do things my way. I hate gossip. I’m not perfect—if I catch myself slipping into it, I try to reflect and shift back to something positive.

Gossip and negativity usually come from one of two places: ego or insecurity. I’m confident in who I’ve become, how I coach, and how I ride. I know my strengths, I know my limitations, and I don’t compare myself to other riders or trainers. I am me.

If I could give one piece of advice to young trainers, it would be this: open your mind and listen. It’s easy when you’re young to think you know it all, and it might even feel good to talk about other people—but it’s an ugly look. It’s unprofessional, immature, and it shows a lack of confidence in yourself. Just keep this in mind, you are a role model to all the young riders, aspiring to be you!

I’m sure plenty of people have opinions about me—good and bad. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate feedback. I’m always looking for ways to grow. If a client is upset, I listen. I try to understand so I can improve my communication or my coaching. When I was younger, this was hard. I wanted to defend the good work I was doing.

Not everyone is going to like me or you. That’s just life. Recognize the qualities that make you who you are, and also recognize that we all need constant growth. You can limit yourself by thinking you know it all or by refusing to learn from more experienced coaches. I’ve known trainers who stayed negative for years, never grew, and are still negative today. I find that sad.

As for me, I’m always learning. I’m always looking for ways to be a better coach, a great role model to my riders, a better person, and to live a calmer life. My values matter to me, and gossip has no place in them. I feel the same way Mickey did—I glaze over, move on, and think about my next horse or my next rider. I look for joy.

I value gratitude, kindness, and inclusiveness. I genuinely wish every rider their best ride when they walk into the ring. And I believe this: if you can’t say something to someone’s face, you probably shouldn’t say it behind their back. So let’s look for the good in people and wish them well. Not everyone will love you, and that’s OK. I hope you find your joy.

Have an awesome day!