The Kindness Movement and what it means to me…

Being a good role model is something I take seriously. Right now, I have more “littles” than ever before, and their smiles and giggles can light up the arena. I absolutely adore them. Most are around seven years old — just learning, just aspiring, still so young and wanting to have fun. At this age, they are wonderfully open and incredibly vulnerable.

We often have little talks at the barn. During one lesson, I asked my group, “Who are you competing against?” They giggled, looked at each other, then looked back at me, trying to figure out the “right” answer. After giving them a moment, I told them: You are competing against yourself.

We talk about what that means. I’ll ask them again at shows or during lessons, and now they proudly say, “Myself!” This is the kind of rider I want to coach — riders who cheer each other on, who understand that everyone is on their own path and riding at their own level. They are not competing against their classmates.

This week at Sonoma, some young riders were sitting near a few of my parents. They were criticizing the rider on course and their trainer, using language far beyond their years. These kids were only nine to twelve. My parents were shocked. I wasn’t. I was young once too.

As a trainer, I feel a responsibility to help steer this sport in a positive direction. And the best place to start is always with myself — and with the youngest riders.

I approached their trainer, who was appalled. She told me she has a code of conduct and that this behavior was unacceptable. I loved hearing that. I have one too. I asked if we could sit with the kids, and she immediately agreed.

We gathered them together. I didn’t point fingers or get angry. I introduced myself and asked their names. In that moment, I felt there were two roads ahead for them: they could listen, learn, and move forward in a positive direction, or they could continue down the same path. If I can make an impact on just one, that’s a win. If we — the trainers — can each make an impact on one, that’s even better. We do play a role in shaping these young riders. After our conversation, you could tell they felt bad and were thinking. They aren’t bad kids. They’re kids.

One parent later told us he encourages his child to “keep those feelings inside.” When I reflected on that, I wondered: why should they carry those negative thoughts at all? Why not help them build more positive ones? Why not teach them how to be supportive, how to ask questions, how to find the right words? We can help them learn to be kinder.

The next day, I saw those same riders again. A couple were quiet. At the back gate, one of them stood beside my rider. She looked over and told her she’d had a great ride and was doing a really good job. She was positive. She was kind. A win.

I feel a deep responsibility to help shape our young riders into not only good horse people, but good sportspeople. These conversations matter.

As professionals, trainers, coaches, and role models, we must keep working toward a kinder, more positive horse world. So when do we stand up? When do we speak up? Now.

Let’s be kinder.

Let’s have these conversations.

I hope everyone has a fabulous Sunday — whether you’re horse showing or enjoying your horse at home. Look around and say something kind. You’ll feel better, and the world might just get a little happier.